For as long as I can remember I’ve been trying to grow up.
When I was 7 or 8 I was disappointed that I wasn’t big enough to hold down the safety switch under the seat of the mower or skid steer. I didn’t realize that as soon as I was big enough to do that, the activities done with both machines would become my job.
I eventually grew a bit and gained the last couple of lbs necessary to be able to run both the mower and the skid steer. It didn’t take long before I was tasked with scraping the barn and mowing what seemed like every lawn on earth.
It was a real accomplishment. For a while I really enjoyed it. Then it became more of a job instead of a privilege.
A couple of years later something else came up on my “heads up display for the future.”
Every 14 or 15 year old wants to be able to drive on the road.
Although I’d been driving “Dead Red,” an old Datsun pickup, and other vehicles around the farm for quite some time… I had to go through the rigors of becoming certified to drive on the road.
The first time I tried to get my learners permit. I failed. On question number 4. I was crushed. I’d had a fair chance and had dropped it. I thought I was ready. I wasn’t. I can finally smile when I remember walking out of the testing area and hearing dad say, “your done already?”
Two weeks later I scored a lot better on the test and was given my learners permit and eventually turned that in for a real drivers license.
Again, the first weeks and months the ability to drive freely, as long as it was a sanctioned road trip by my parents, was incredible.
Although I still enjoy the art of driving, it has definitely become something I take for granted.
We could continue talking about other specific events that show up in our “growing up” years, but that isn’t what I wanted to leave you with today.
See, as long as I’ve lived I’ve always wanted to and have been attempting to “grow up.”
Now that I’m nearing the end of my twenties I’m trying to decide.
- Have I grown up?
- Where am I going from here?
- What’s next for me?
- What does it even mean to “grow up?”
I don’t know the answers to all these questions. However I think I’m leaning towards the idea that we never truly reach the status of being fully “grown up.”
There is always something more, something that is on our HUD of the future.
And when we reach that new thing and it becomes a part of who we are, or what we can do. There is joy. There is an incredible feeling that we can finally do/be what we set out to do.
Sure, that feeling will probably wear off somewhat, but by reaching new goals or gaining new abilities we are growing.
And I think that’s the entire point.
We are all still growing up.
Whatever it means to grow up.